You can’t say past is past when you know flashback exists.

I just came from a three-day retreat at Caleruega, Nasugbu, Batangas. It was enjoying and fun-filled. I realized a lot of things from that wonderful and unforgettable experience.

February 25, 2009
Day One

Our calltime was at 11:30am at the Catwalk where our buses were waiting for us. Together with us, were the MCSE-4B – another IT section. I arrived quite early in school but good thing, Joanne and I rode in the same train. We just stayed in the catwalk waiting for our ever dearest friends and batchmates. As they started to arrive, the entire area was filled with noise. Our Theo professor was there as well. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to join us because of a valid reason.

We occupied the first bus. It was so fun there though it was kinda hot. I was sitting beside Joanne and behind us were Cha and Eunice. All the girls had baon and the boys didn’t even bother to bring some. So, imagine, our bags were being raid. Good thing, we brought a lot. At the middle of the trip, we find ourselves asleep until we reached Batangas.

As we arrived there, we saw the troop of MCDBA and MCSD there waiting for our buses because they will use the buses on their way home. The place was really good. Actually, that was my second time. The first time I went there was last August 2008 with cousins.

We were oriented at first then we took our merienda. Of course, we started with picture taking. We headed to our rooms afterwards. My roommates were Joanne, Eunice, Kath and Cha. Fr. Boyd was our retreat master. Main Rule: Boys are not allowed in Girls’ room and vice versa. And yet, we broke the rule.

February 26, 2009
Day Two

I realized a lot during the second day of our retreat. It was really memorable and I don’t know how to explain how this day became so special to me. By the way, it was really cold there and I forgot to bring my jacket. Stupid me, of all the things that I can forget, why the jacket? Good thing, Ian was there. He let me used his though it was way bigger. I looked like a rapper.

We woke up a bit late. But still, we managed to make it to our breakfast. The continuation of our session was held at the picnic area of the place. We walked a little long and we even passed by the hanging bridge where we made fun of each other. The talk during that time was really inspiring. It was about friendship and knowing me, I am really attached to my friends, that I don’t know what to do without them.

At the end of the talk, Fr. Boyd gave us five papers with images of angels. We were asked to write letters to those papers and give it to our so-called angels. But I had a problem because I have more than five angels so I just tear the papers into pieces so I could distribute it to all my angels. I was deeply touched when I received papers from those people whom I never thought would consider me as one of their angels.

We had our confession in the afternoon. I confessed all my sins and asked for forgiveness. It felt good, really. After that, I was able to bond with Carla, Ian and Rex by having a pictorial session in one of the best but secret places in Caleruega.

My favorite part of the retreat was the Affirmation Session during night time. We were asked to form a big circle and count 1 and 2. All 1s were asked to sit on the chairs while the rest were asked to stand behind the persons seating. For those who were standing, they were asked to say something positive towards the persons in front by whispering into their ears. And after a minute, the circle will move until all those who were standing already said something positive to all those who were seating. After that, both groups exchanged places.

I was moved with all the positive things that my classmates said about me. I was also moved with all those things said by my friends. I even made one of my friends cried. Yeah, and take note, he is a guy. Actually, he is really close to me ever since first year. Our friendship was tested and luckily, we made it through. I consider him as my Super Friend. I don’t know, perhaps, he was touched with what I’ve said about him. I love him to bits.

The next activity was a part of the Affirmation Session. We formed a big circle and we were given pieces of paper where we wrote our name. It will be passed from one person to another and write something positive about the person. This was the time I burst into tears. During the time that I was reading all the comments and messages on my paper, I can’t help but cry. I was extremely touched most especially with Ian’s message. I really didn’t expect that.

After the session, I really cried. They all came to console me. I don’t know, it is just that my tears easily fall when it comes to those kinds of things. They kept telling me to stop crying but I really can’t. Too bad, it rained; we were not able to experience the bonfire activity. That’s why we were asked to go to our rooms earlier.

The boys invaded our room. We bonded like hell. We talked, laughed and ate our remaining foods together. Picture taking was present as usual. We were all loud but there were moments of silence especially if we heard a knock from our door. We were worried that our professor will check the rooms and eventually get busted. When the rain stopped, we all went out. It was really cold, as in. We were supposed to ghost hunt but it was close to 11pm pm then. Lights Off eh. We all went to our respective rooms.

February 27, 2009
Day Three

It was the last day of our retreat. We had a mass. It was heart-warming because after the mass, we were given the chance to hug each other. I haven’t hugged anyone yet but I felt the tears running down my face. Arg. Crybaby. Hahaha :) We hugged each other as tight as we can. It felt really good. I hugged Rex twice. Ian, Rex, Niko and Marco are really the best guys. They are my SUPERMEN.

We had picture taking before we took our lunch. We had pictures with some of the beautiful spots there. We left Caleruega afterwards.


As I left Caleruega, I made a lot of realizations. It really feels good knowing that people around you appreciate you for who you are. It is indeed touching to know that they are thankful for having somebody like you around. Words really can’t explain how grateful I am for having them in my life. This retreat is really special to me and the best one among other retreats I had in the past. This was the most exciting and enjoying. Questions were finally answered. All the issues have been settled. I just don’t want to detail but everything is perfectly fine. Thank God for this wonderful and one of a kind experience.

Misunderstanding the sweetness of a person might hurt you when you thought it was love.

A lot has happened to me since Monday. It was all fun, super bonding moments with friends. Those moments should have to be cherished because ever since this semester started, we barely do that. I’ll just give you the highlights.

Last Monday was my very first real job interview. I was really preparing the night before and I admit I was feeling nervous. I was anticipating all the questions that might be asked to me by the interviewer and thinking for the best answer that I could give. I was entertaining myself by singing so the nervousness I was feeling would vanish.

I woke up early to prepare for my interview. Luckily, Niko agreed to accompany me to where my interview will be held. We met at Tayuman station. He was there already and was just waiting for me. At Gil Puyat, we rode a bus going to Ayala. It was traffic that time so imagine, I was really worried because I know I will be late and I wasn’t wrong, I was late but then, it seemed that it was no big deal for them. Niko and I walked from Tropical Hut to Medical Plaza Building, right beside/behind Makati Medical Center. We took the elevator going to the eleventh floor.

As we arrived, I was asked to log on and then I was given the application form together with another sheet of paper where I was asked to write an essay about myself which includes family and educational background, interests, achievements, plans and my strengths and weaknesses. Afterwhich, I was asked to wait for a little while. I stayed beside Niko waiting in the couch. Until I was called by the interviewer named Sophia, the same person who called me thru cellphone. I was so glad because I wasn’t really nervous at all. And I feel that I did a great job by answering all the questions with full confidence. I was just quite surprised when she asked me to define respect. I really didn’t see it coming.

Unfortunately, the only position open for hiring is Bank Teller and I directly told her that it is not the job I want. Of course, I want an IT-related job where I could apply what I have learned in school. She kept on persuading and encouraging me to accept the offer but I told her that I might consider it if I couldn’t find a job in the future. I know it sounds absurd but I was just being honest. She told me that I fit for the position in relation to my skills and characteristics. I guess, I did great in the interview. But then again, she assured me that she will forward my resume to the IT department of some companies and I just have to wait for the call. Thanks for those who prayed for the success of my interview. :)

Last Tuesday was Gian’s 20th Birthday. He’s not a teenager anymore. He treated us for pizza where he paid half of the amount and we just shared for the other half. Thanks to JL’s palmcard that enabled us to get four boxes of pizzas though we ordered only two. Pizza Hut is really the best. Their pizzas are just world class. It was super fun though it was all hot in the canteen. We were joking, laughing and fooling around. The continuation of Gian’s birthday celebration will be on Friday but I still don’t know if I can come or not. Just today, I have asked for my dad’s permission if I can stay overnight at Rex’s crib and I’m still waiting for his reply. Hopefully, I will receive a positive one. I just wish that those who are unsure can make it.

Today is the IT’s Job Fair which we didn’t feel at all. The first half of the day was spent in the Mabini Hall listening for the talk or rather endorsement made by the representatives of the companies invited to come over. Five companies were invited but only three came. Too bad ePLDT and iPlus weren’t able to make it. I can say that it was good and should continue. I’ve got a crush on Microsoft’s representative because he’s just so good looking. As a matter of fact, he looks like Chris Tiu though his eyes are not as chinky as Chris’s. He is a good speaker. I even got a picture with him and the rest of the speakers and professors. Yeah, I’m kinda lucky.

Chillax Crew took our lunch at tapahan right in front of Letran. It was fun there. I missed our bonding, super. We did nothing but to laugh and joked on each other while eating. Finally, I was able to taste my free Selecta Creations Double Dutch Family Pack courtesy of Ian. Thank you so much Ian. I really didn’t expect that he would buy an ice cream for me thinking that it is not as cheap as I imagined. Of course, I shared it to my friends. I so love that flavor. It is really my favorite.

After having our lunch, we just stayed in the computer laboratory and did nothing but to just make fun of ourselves. It was really a great pleasure being with friends. They ease away all the problems and all those stuff that bother you. Being with them is such an extraordinary feeling. I’m surely going to miss this kind of bonding once we enter the corporate world. But no, I won’t let this group to just break away just like that. We need monthly lunch or dinner so we could catch up with each other. I just love them so dearly.

The worst thing is holding on to someone who doesn't want to be held on to.

This day is somewhat special to most people, couples to be exact. You can see flowers, balloons, bears and any red items everywhere. You can also see couples walking holding hands, hugging or some kissing in public. Today is the day that they celebrate what we call Valentine's Day. This is also the day that couples or even the entire family go out, celebrate this special day together by dating or eating in a classy restaurant.

I haven't been celebrating Valentine's Day with a significant other for 19 years. You may ask me why. It is because I never had one. Yeah, you may call me a late bloomer or so what, it is just that I feel I'm not yet ready for a relationship. Know what, I have this huge fear of getting hurt by someone I love the most. Another factor is that my parents are just so strict that they would used to say that they will allow me to have a boyfriend once I finish college. Another thing is the experiences of my friends which some are worst than ever.

Valentine's Day is not really a big deal to me ever since. It didn't disappoint me either for the past years. But today is really different. I don't know why this day is totally different from how ordinary Valentine's Day to me during the past years.

I went to SM San Lazaro this afternoon all by myself because I have my own agenda there. The pictures for my OJT documentation are needed to be printed because the deadline is on Monday and I have to drop by National Book Store because I need to buy a refill for my clearbook. While I was on the jeepney, it rained quite hard and I didn't have an umbrella with me. A couple together with a cute baby rode the same jeep. I was just busy looking outside hoping that the rain would stop right away but it didn't. Imagine, I had to walk and I was all wet because of that 'effin rain.

I entered the mall and not surprised enough to see a lot of people there, shopping and dating. I could see couples everywhere and most girls were holding bouquet of flowers, teddy bears and some were wearing red shirts. Then I finally realized, today is Hearts Day. I hurriedly went to my first destination which was the Picture City. I had to wait 30 minutes before I could get the printed pictures so I strolled first, dropped by NBS and Data Max.

As I was strolling and walking, several couples passed me by. They were so happy and in love. Their hands were clasped together and guy's arm was wrapped around his girl's shoulders. And then something came to my mind. I asked myself as to when can I celebrate this day with a special someone beside me. I wondered why until now, I haven't found the guy I'm yearning for a long time. Every night, I used to pray that God would give me the guy I truly deserve, the one person who will love me, accept me for who I am, be proud of me, care and support me, and who will be with me no matter what.

As a young lady, I also feel the sense of desire to have a special guy with me whom I can share every dream I have in my mind. I would love to have someone who would look forward to the future with me. Now that I have been growing mature, it is the one thing that I would love to have in my life. I'm about to finish college in April and hoping to find a decent and good job real soon. And the only thing I'm asking right from this very moment (aside from good job and life) is to find that special guy who would fill the emptiness in me. I just hope and pray that on Valentine's 2010, I will be able to celebrate it with my significant other.

Yesterday, I was supposed to have a "date" with the boys (Ian, Niko, Marco and Rex). Actually, it wasn't really the plan. I received a group message from Ian that afternoon that he wanted to watch a movie entitled Push. I was so eager to leave the house yesterday and unwind. But then, no one replied to him except me. You know me, when it comes to hanging out, I would really reply no matter what. We exchanged messages and I must admit, I missed that. We used to that before. I told him to update me about the plan and all that.

I haven't received any text message coming from him so I thought the plan was cancelled. But then, I was so surprised about a text coming from him that they were in Off the Grill, somewhere in Timog Avenue. I asked him who were with him and replied Niko, Rex and Marco. I asked him why they didn't count me in. He even joked that I should go there too and that I should take the cab. We were just exchanging messages while they were drinking. Niko texted me too. I asked him to accompany me on my interview on Monday. I don't know if it is okay or not. Eventually, Ian called, let me scratch that, video called. I envy them. They were enjoying and having fun. Oh well, they assured me that there would be a night out for the entire Chillax Crew. It is already planned. So there.

By the way, please do pray that my very first job interview on Monday would be a great success. Please do pray that I would give my best shot and that I would answer all the questions with all confidence. May God bless me with the knowledge I need. Thank you so much! :)

Happy Hearts Day! Hope you enjoyed this day.

Don't cry for a guy, let a guy cry for you. 'Cause girls give and forgive but guys get and forget. ~Brooke Davis

Its been a while since I had my last post and I must admit, I really missed this thing. You know, ever since my freshman year, I have been so attached to this online journal. I used to share all my feelings and emotions here. It's like a best friend. Anyway, a lot has happened since last week up to this week, not only to me but also to my friends.

After our Bataan trip, of course, we went back to what we normally do - attending classes and studying. But then, it wasn't about studying at all 'cause some professors didn't discuss and some were absent. As a matter of fact, only our Free Elective professor was hardworking enough to teach and discuss. We can't blame him since his subject is more of a programming one. I admit, I really need that.

Saturday and Sunday were like any ordinary days for me. I stayed in the house, watched television, surfed the internet, ate and slept. Routines that we used to do if we have boring days. Good thing, last Sunday, I went out together with my mom, aunt and cousin. My mom bought me a bag.

Last Monday, we didn't have a class because our professor was absent. Actually, the week that passed, he was absent and we didn't know why. I met up with Joanne at SM Manila 'cause I bought something at Watsons. We strolled and window shopped until Kel and Rey arrived. We decided to stay and sing at Popstar. Then, we strolled again in which Joanne and I were forced to buy the shirts at Surplus Shop. Why? Those were original Marc Ecko shirts but being sold at a very cheap price. We had no choice but buy it. I so love the pink shirt I bought.

I also texted Niko that day to inform him that we were all required to attend the Career Orientation the next day. I was too shocked when he replied that he couldn't make it because he was sick. Since Saturday, he was experiencing high fever and he even used to vomit.

Tuesday came and we attended a Career Orientation. We were all required to attend and it was scheduled at 9am. It was a good one. After that, we still attended our Free Elective class in which we were given an unexpected quiz because our professor got mad on us. Most students were so noisy that triggered his mood. Oh well. No one got it right. At least, I wasn't alone.

Wednesday was like another free day. No professor means no class. I met up with Joanne, Rey, Kel and Gian at Letran. We stayed at the IIT for quite a long time. We were just talking and chatting. Sir Armin was there as well. We dropped by SM Manila after that to eat and stroll again.

Arriba Job Fair was scheduled last Thursday and it was fun. I went to school at 11am. I was with Eunice, JL, Ian and Rex. We were all busy passing resume and filling out some papers. Good thing, many companies went there and participated. We all know that there is global meltdown, but hopefully we could still find a decent job once we graduate. It was tiring.

Niko texted me, asking me how was everything. He was, by the way, confined to the hospital due to Dengue Fever. Good thing, he was recovering. We exchanged messages for quite a while.

I had bonding moment with some of my friends as we sang and had fun at Karaoke Hub. The room was too small for us but we forced ourselves to fit in. Just imagine that. We were like confined in a can of sardines. Anyway, it was so much fun though I felt sleepy due to lack of sleep. After that, we strolled then decided to go home.

I texted them to text Niko since he needs our support. I was so sad to know that only few texted him and it seems that they are not concern about our friend's condition. I don't know but I am really not happy with the way they acted. As if, he is just a stranger or whatsoever. But he isn't. He is a friend, part of the crew. I just don't want to make a big fuss out of it. It's their conscience that will eat them.

Today is Cha's 7th Birthday but we will be celebrating it tomorrow. And today also, I find out that Niko is about to get out of the hospital tomorrow but he still needs to rest because his liver is swelling. I hope he'll get well pretty soon.