Friday, September 26, 2008

It is hard to admit that you are falling for a friend who treats you only as a friend. However, it is harder to figure out when someone treats you so special yet you are only friends.

Everything is somehow fine now.
Yet, I'm still confused.
I am sick. Fuckshit.
I lost my voice.
How can I be the emcee for tomorrow's event?
I don't want her to replace me. Amp.
I hope and pray to have my golden voice back.
Cez - Signing off.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Don't play love with the person who can play better.

I am definitely busy. Oh well, it is very obvious. After the success of our defense, we were all busy editing and revising for one last time, accomplishing our requirements for other subjects and preparing for our upcoming seminar where we are the organizers. We are all pressured but good thing, we're done with the thesis. We passed all the documents plus the technical manual last Monday. Finally.

Anyway, I'm in the state of confusion right now. Obviously, it is about how I really feel. I thought I found him already. I thought he is the one for me but it seems that I'm wrong with that kind of thinking. Now, everything seems to be different. All the efforts that we have made to maintain our status seems to be useless. I'm tired of asking myself why. We are almost there, I guess and then all of a sudden, after some unexpected things happened, we are like going back to where we were - total strangers. I hate this feeling.

I don't know what to think. During the past months that we have been trying to be close to each other, I really felt his concern and care for me. It's like we are trying to take things slow because we know whatever we want to happen can wait. We just have to focus on our top priorities first. But after what happened weeks ago, everything changed, not on my part but on his part. I admit, I am so much affected with that because I'm used to him being the funny guy that he is. I'm used to him being my constant textmate and kakulitan but how come, he seems to be changing.

I don't know what seems to be the problem but one thing's for sure, there is a reason behind that. And I'm really anxious to know what is it all about. If until Thursday, he still acts like that, I won't hesitate asking him about what's going on with him. I'm worried. I don't like to just drop everything off. We have worked hard for this.

I don't want to lose him. For the past nine months, he has become a super close friend of mine. I consider him as the closest guy in my heart. I used to share to him everything and he does it as well. We are not like the best friend type but I know for sure, we are close. He has become my constant textmate and chatmate. I'm afraid to lose him now that I trust him a lot, now that my mom likes him for me.

But he is indeed unpredictable. He is changing and I don't know what to do. You can't also blame me if I think that perhaps, he was just pretending that he cares when in fact, he's not and will never be. But a part of me doesn't want to think that way. Maybe because, I know, deep within me, he is special and he will always be.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Sometimes the people who are afraid of having commitment are the persons who know the real meaning of it.

Saturday (09/13/08) was the judgment day for all fourth year IT students of Letran as we went through the very nerve wracking final defense. My group was scheduled at 11am and yet, we were able to defend our thesis at around 4pm.

We were nervous, as usual. We were panicking because of the devices and equipments that we need for the actual presentation. Good thing, everything went so well. When we entered the room, it was filled with silence. My hands were cold then. We started the presentation and yet, the panel didn't let us finish our powerpoint presentation. Instead, we proceeded to the question and answer portion.

They threw a lot of questions and fortunately, we were able to answer them all. And the panelists were really nice to ours compared to the previous groups. We went out the room since they'll be having a deliberation. We were so confident that we will pass because we did answer all the questions correctly.

We entered the room and they began to talk about how satisfied they were and that our thesis was acceptable. Thus, we got a no revision verdict. It was really unexpected. I never thought that we would get such rating. All of our hardworks paid off. Thank you Lord. The rosary and the prayer are really powerful. We prayed before we started the defense. I think God really guided us all throughout the process.

My friends did pass too. Yey for us! I know we gave our best and it all paid off. I just can't help but smile.

The celebration for the success of our thesis was held at Rex's crib. Surprisingly, my mom allowed me to stay overnight there. It was indeed fun though there were some complicated things happened still, I enjoyed it so much. I didn't drink. Rex and Ian didn't allow me to.

My friends look funny when they're drunk. They made fun out of each other. They made fun of me. But it was an inuman session I could never forget. We slept at 5am and I woke up at 7am then went home at 7:30am.

I need to rest already. My eyes are beginning to close.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

One of the worst feeling in the world is to doubt someone who you thought was never unquestionable.


OMG! I really can't believe that I'm already 19 years old and that a year from now, I won't be a teenager anymore. How time flies. I still remember the stressful days when we were just preparing for my big event - my debut. But hey, its been a year since that memorable day and up to now, I still can't get over that big day. As I reached 19, I feel that I'm old already and few years from now, I'll be having my own family. Stop. I won't be thinking that way. I'm young and forever will be. Haha :D

Anyway, I slept early the day before my birthday which was yesterday, the same day Mama Mary was born. I woke up early yesterday to attend mass at 6am. As I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see bunch of text messages greeting me "Happy Birthday!" I was indeed touched and moved. I really can't believe that they would really greet me that early. As a matter of fact, two of the closest guys in my life were the first ones who greeted me. After the mass, I decided to sleep again.

As I woke up once more, I received several text messages coming from my friends and loved ones. It was really touching because they did remember my special day. Perhaps because Mama Mary and I have the same birthday. I went to school at 2pm but before that, I offered a cake for Mama Mary.

As I arrived at school, I saw Joanne with her new haircut. Pretty much. Then, my friends started to come one by one. It was good to see Kath early that day. I missed the old her. Anyway, I received a lot of greetings coming from my friends but later on, I told them to shut up because I don't want others to know that it was my birthday. We attended a mass that's why we didn't have a class in Theo. Then discussion in Polsci and another discussion during SQL and SAP though we were dismissed super early.

We stayed at school for an hour because of the heavy rain. We were stranded. Until we reached the LRT, we saw an immense number of people waiting for the train to arrive. Darn it! Then we all went directly to my house for a mini celebration. It was indeed fun. Though it wasn't as grand as my 18th birthday, still, it was a memory to be treasured. even it rained really hard, they still went to our house to celebrate my birthday with me.

I'm just so thankful for having friends like them. They've been really wonderful ever since and I won't let them be taken away from me. We will be forever friends no matter what happen. I was so happy because I know they also enjoyed. Aside from spaghetti, asado, chiken, pinsit and leche flan, I also ordered 4 boxes of pizzas and 2 baskets of mojos as requested by them.

I want to thank everyone who texted me, who messaged and commented in Friendster, who called me on the phone and those who personally greeted me. I also want to thank Marco for the candy machine he has given me, Rex for the cute Hello Kitty spoon and fork and of course, Ian for the pink Hello Kitty keychain. It is really heartwarming that people really appreciate who I really am. Actually, I'm not asking for gifts. What I really want is to remember one of the most significant days in my life. But hey, Ian, Rex and Marco really spent money just to give me presents and I'm really touched. Thanks a bunch! :)

For pictures, visit my Multiply.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

It's better to just quietly miss someone rather than let him know and just get no response.

Finally, I've got a new layout here. Oh yeah, I missed Photoshop-ping a lot and it is really a fulfillment that after how many months of not using that program, I was able to use it once more.

The theme is obviously Chillax Crew, the barkada where I truly belong aside from Thine Iced, of course. You see my main image? Isn't that cute? If you could only see my friends in person, you'll be surprised of how those pictures resemble them. Credits to my friend, Cha, for that super amazing and fascinating artwork.

By the way, the pic above was taken at the Walls of Intramuros after attending an IT Seminar. The seminar ended early so we decided to stay there for a while. Fun moments with friends once more.

Anyway, our final defense is just a week away from now and I'm starting to feel the nerves. This time, it is going to be harder. There's no room for consideration, I guess. I'm really nervous with our documents. It is one thing that I'm really worried about. We already finished doing the Chpaters 1-5. Kudos for that! Our adviser checked it already and we need to revise some parts. At least, we're already done with that and all we need to do now is to revise and edit. But still, there is a line up of tasks regarding our thesis that we still need to accomplish like the appendices, technical manual and miniature. And also, we have this what we call mock defense next week once our adviser approves our documents.

Busy days will still continue until next week. I know we really have to give our best shot on our final defense. Actually, we're not asking for a very high grade, what we need is a passing grade. What I need to do starting now is to study and master our thesis because I know lots of questions will be asked on us by our panelists. I hope on the 13th of September, our panelists will be nicer. How I really wish.

In just few days, I'll be turning older and still, I really can't believe. How time flies. I just can't feel that I'm already 19 years old. I still remember how stressed I was when we were planning for my debut party but look at now, its been a year since I celebrated one of the most memorable events in my life. That night was indeed full of blissful memories that I'm going to treasure for the rest of my life. I'm not planning for a big celebration but instead, I'm going to invite few friends to come over and just have fun. Hopefully, it won't rain. It's Mama Mary's birthday, as well.

I badly want a break. Sembreak, what's taking you so long?