Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Don't play love with the person who can play better.

I am definitely busy. Oh well, it is very obvious. After the success of our defense, we were all busy editing and revising for one last time, accomplishing our requirements for other subjects and preparing for our upcoming seminar where we are the organizers. We are all pressured but good thing, we're done with the thesis. We passed all the documents plus the technical manual last Monday. Finally.

Anyway, I'm in the state of confusion right now. Obviously, it is about how I really feel. I thought I found him already. I thought he is the one for me but it seems that I'm wrong with that kind of thinking. Now, everything seems to be different. All the efforts that we have made to maintain our status seems to be useless. I'm tired of asking myself why. We are almost there, I guess and then all of a sudden, after some unexpected things happened, we are like going back to where we were - total strangers. I hate this feeling.

I don't know what to think. During the past months that we have been trying to be close to each other, I really felt his concern and care for me. It's like we are trying to take things slow because we know whatever we want to happen can wait. We just have to focus on our top priorities first. But after what happened weeks ago, everything changed, not on my part but on his part. I admit, I am so much affected with that because I'm used to him being the funny guy that he is. I'm used to him being my constant textmate and kakulitan but how come, he seems to be changing.

I don't know what seems to be the problem but one thing's for sure, there is a reason behind that. And I'm really anxious to know what is it all about. If until Thursday, he still acts like that, I won't hesitate asking him about what's going on with him. I'm worried. I don't like to just drop everything off. We have worked hard for this.

I don't want to lose him. For the past nine months, he has become a super close friend of mine. I consider him as the closest guy in my heart. I used to share to him everything and he does it as well. We are not like the best friend type but I know for sure, we are close. He has become my constant textmate and chatmate. I'm afraid to lose him now that I trust him a lot, now that my mom likes him for me.

But he is indeed unpredictable. He is changing and I don't know what to do. You can't also blame me if I think that perhaps, he was just pretending that he cares when in fact, he's not and will never be. But a part of me doesn't want to think that way. Maybe because, I know, deep within me, he is special and he will always be.