i didn't seem to notice that Christmas is 3 days away from us. i'm not that excited unlike before because i don't feel glad. half of me feels bad, sad and empty. i wanna cry but i can't coz i don't want them to see me crying. i don't like them to worry about me. everytime problems come our way, i'm always the very first person to cry. its just that i don't know how to feel. i really feel the pain and now, i'm feeling it again. so many changes now. this is the very first Christmas that i'm like this. but this will be my second New Year feeling sad. remember, we had a problem before about my dad and i knew it just 2 days before New Year that made my New Year horrible. and here it is again, by this time, both two special events in the world will be part of it. i can't help but cry. i just hope to overcome all of these.

i already finished doing my Hum project. next in line is Visual Basic and hopefully, i can finish it before New Year comes. i've been busy learning Photoshop CS2 and all i can say is i'm so stupid for not knowing how to use such software. i hate myself for that. but i know in time, i could learn using it. but as of now, i'm in the learning process.

i just hope that you'll have a joyful Christmas with your family.